


Davy's version of events

by AnEarHat



Category: Third Star (2010)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 06:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnEarHat/pseuds/AnEarHat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time is spent inside Davy's head as he and James lie face to face in the tent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Davy's version of events

We're lying in the tent. The lantern is off and we can hear Bill and Miles outside, mumbling to eachother quietly. I can't see James very well, just the outline of a thin face where the sleeping bag stops, and the small amount of light from the fire outside reflecting on his eyes so that I know he's awake. We don't say anything, we just lie there looking at eachother as if we could actually see. My hand is curled around a bit of his sleeping bag, and I can feel his hand on the other side. I grab more material so that I'm holding a finger along with it and he does his best to shuffle closer. I shuffle too, so that he doesn't hurt himself, and we're sharing a pillow. His finger curls up inside my palm and the material to thank me and I squeeze it gently. We don't say anything, and we don't really move after we get comfortable. If I moved my chin forward, or tilted my head towards him, I could kiss him right now. I try not to think about it, and I know that he is doing the same. We just lie there, staring at the darkness that we know hides the other, breathing as quietly as we can and occasionally shifting our hands. 

My mind is cast back to when we were teenagers. We'd just finished our last exams in high school and to celebrate, Jim said we should go camping. He's always loved the outdoors. Not in a bird-watcher-this-is-a-very-rare-flower kind of way, but in a wow-lets-never-go-back-inside-this-is-the-best-day-ever kind of way. Anyway, we didn't know Bill back then, and Miles had gone on holiday with his mum to try to stop him thinking about his dad, so it was just us two that ended up trekking across fields and through gates and patches of trees until we found the perfect spot to pitch the tent. We stayed there for three nights, and explored the forests and that in the daytime. At night times we would just lie in the tent and talk or play cards. It was great fun, really, however simple it sounds. But on the last night, the sky was clear and it was really warm and summery, so we dragged our sleeping bags outside and lay on top of them in our pyjama bottoms, looking at the stars. We really must have been quite far from the town, because up until then I had never seen so many stars crammed into one section of sky. James was in his element. He was reeling off all this poetic nonsense about stars and comets and endlessness, and I just lay there listening to him and not having a clue what any of it meant. I didnt care, particularly, because I was happy. There I was, with my best friend in the world, 9 weeks of summer holiday ahead of me and already lying topless and sweaty beneath a sparkling void, carefree and at peace. I listened to James nattering on about planet debris floating through the cosmos, until he stopped abruptly, right in the middle of some metaphoric turn of phrase. I turned my head to look at him, but he was looking down at the space between us. I followed his gaze, and there were our hands, joining us together in the middle. I looked back at his face and found that he was now looking at mine. We didn't let go straight away. My mouth opened and something like "Oh" came out, answered by a "Yeah" from James. We just looked at eachother for a very, very long ten seconds. Not moving away, not moving closer, not speaking, barely breathing. Just looking. When we did let go, a silence fell between us. Not an awkward silence, really. More confused. Scared, maybe. We were both frowning and thinking too loudly. I remember the sky looking all of a sudden more shallow, becoming dim. I mumbled something like goodnight and dragged my sleeping bag into the tent, curling up in it despite the temperature. I could still practically hear the cogs turning James' mind outside of the tent for at least another half hour. I was turned away from him when he finally came inside himself, pretending to be asleep. I felt him look at me, sensed that he wanted to say something, do something, but didn't. His hand hovered above my waist, I could see it with my just-open eye, but he withdrew it and sighed, lying down and pretending to sleep just like me. We never spoke of that again,

But here we are now, almost holding hands and our noses touching at the very tips. The silence isn't confused now, we both know what the other is thinking and feeling. It's still scared, but it usually is nowadays. I take my hand from where it clutches his sleeping bag and put my arm around his neck, my palm resting on his back so I can pull him into my chest. My other hand finds its way to his hair, fingers combing through it as I cradle him against me, still silent. He nuzzles his face where my neck is warmest and his hands come to rest under my cheek and on my waist. We don't say anything, not even what we know we are both thinking, because we don't need to. I rock him ever so gently in time with the paths my fingers make through his hair. He's tired, I can feel it. 

When we kiss, there are no magic sparks. No waves of passion. Not even any butterflies. There is, however, the saddest sense of home that I have ever felt. There is warmth and love and the knowledge of what I have been missing; what I should have been doing for a long time. There is an ache in my chest and I can taste the tears that have crawled into our mouths from both pairs of eyes. In a world where time is king, I have fallen in love with a man who has none. And it is the worst, most beautiful pain that I will never come to regret.


End file.
